When a parent dies you’re left feeling a little off kilter. That’s one less person in the world who loves you unconditionally. You only have one parent now. It’s different for everyone, obviously, but that’s how I feel. Like the world around me is now off balance.
I was sick a few weeks ago, like classic Rachel-stop-being-dramatic sick, and therefore really missing my dad. I always felt most loved by my dad when I was sick or hurting.
I could feel his worry for me resonating off of him. You don’t ever want your parents to worry about you, but you can feel their love when they do. He’d hover at my door, quietly checking in on me, and if he did speak, it was always gently.
This was Thanksgiving last year, and the last photo we ever took together. He was getting ready to leave, when we remembered that we hadn’t taken any photos all night, all of us knowing that it would likely be our last holiday all together. I had left my shoes upstairs. Stella lingered behind us.
Thanksgiving’s always been my favorite.