Oh, Santa Barbara

Last night I was talking to my mom, and we started talking about graduation. I noticed that I’ve been putting off having to think about it. Not only do I need to get straight A’s both this quarter and next quarter to have even somewhat of a decent GPA, but I still don’t know who I’m going to ask for letters of recommendation for grad school. And then thinking about graduation means thinking about having to move back home. Don’t get me wrong; I love my family, and I’m glad that I’ll be back in the Bay Area so that I can be near them and my extended family again. And I’m excited to be back with some friends from home, too. But I really love it here, and would really rather never leave. Well maybe not never, but that’s where I am right now. I wish they could just all move here, but that’s silly. It also means leaving my friends here. I’ve been putting off thinking about that, too. I don’t want to have to be away from Summer and Christine, especially (hi you guys, lol). It’s a horrible thought. It’s a good thing we have a plan though. If we don’t live near each other when we’re real adults, like with jobs and families and stuff, haha, then we’re going to designate a holiday, and every year we’ll get together on that holiday.

Real adults. Haha, I wonder if you actually notice when you’re a “real adult.” Even if you’re married, or have kids, or have an actual career, I bet you still feel young. I remember when I was 15, I thought that 18 was SO old and that I wouldn’t care about anything in life anymore after that because I’d just be so old. We’re so dumb when we’re young, lol. Now, I still feel really young though. Although, turning 22 was weird, and I do actually feel older. I remember I felt that way when I turned 17, too. It was junior year of high school, and I was walking into my AP Bio class. My teacher, Ms. Brewer wished me a happy birthday (because I was carrying 50 billion balloons from my friends, so people better have been wishing me a happy birthday!), and asked me how old I was. That was the moment that I felt older–when I answered, “17.” It was really weird. So anyway, it’s the same with 22. I was at Adorn on Friday, and Bryan asked, “You’re 21, right?,” and I nodded, but then I realized that I wasn’t 21 anymore. Haha. So even though I do feel older as a 22 year old, I still feel so young. Like when I go to my field placement at GVJH, I feel like everyone is wondering what I’m doing there, since I’m too old to be a student, but too young to be a teacher. So weird. And everyone keeps talking about how old we are since we’re graduating college this year. Ugh.

I graduate on Saturday, June 12th, at 4 PM, and then Sunday we’ll probably pack up my apartment and my parents will leave, and then I have to be out of here by noon on the 15th. I think that I keep wishing that something magical will happen, and that I’ll get to stay down here. That’s silly, too. I wish I could just be in both places. But then again, I wish a lot of things, and if my wishes were the kind that came true, then there would definitely be other wishes ahead of my just being able to stay here, haha.

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